Tuesday, January 29, 2008

How I found my Dad!

My mother decided to tell me, when I was 16, that the guy I had been calling Daddy, was in fact, NOT my father. He was my stepfather. She told me that she was married before and had me with her first husband but while she was pregnant with me, her husbnad left her and didn't want to know anything about me, didn't try to find out about me or anything. I asked what his name was, and she wouldn't tell me. So I had to wait until I was 21 and could legally get a copy of my birth certificate that showed my real father's name was - Edward Melvin Minium. And it noted that he was 31 at the time I was born and that he was a Chemical Engineer. Well, I had always wondered how come I looked nothing like my stepfather, and not much like my mother, but never thought anything more about it. But with the arrival of the internet, I spent some time searching for Ed Minium. When I turned 50, I finally found an Edward Melvin Minium who was listed as being 81 and living in Sonora, California. I thought that was just too easy -that HAD to be the guy - 31 when I was born, and 50 years later, 81 when I was 50. And such an unusual name. With the help of my therapist, who warned me that these things don't always work out, I set out to write him a letter - all I really wanted was a photograph of him, so I could see if I looked like him. So I wrote the letter telling him the details of my birth, according to my mother and the birth certificate, and why I thought he was my father. I put it in an envelope marked confidential and personal, because surely he had moved on in his life. I put all my contact info in the letter and just asked for a photo. I put my IM names on the computer in the letter.One night, about 4 days after I sent the letter, I got an IM from him asking if he could phone me in 10 minutes -my heart raced - yes, I answered. Then I went into the den where my husband was and told him. I told him to answer the phone for me, and then hand it off to me. My dad did call in 10 mintes,and asked to speak to me, and my voice was all trembly, and I asked if I got it right, and he said yes, that he was my father. And he said he had been looking for me all these 50 years. And he told me the truth - that my mother was pregnant with me, and he was in the process of divorcing his first wife - 2 weeks away from the final decree.My mother wanted to get married right away. And he said lets wait for the two weeks, so he didn't get into trouble being a bigamist. She would have none of that. And when he went home thatnight, he came back the next morning to talk to her some more and she was gone - lock,stock and barrel. They would not tell him where she had moved to or when she left. He was devastated, and he hired a private detective to try to find her, but the closest he got was to see her coming out of a building with a baby stroller with me in it. And that is all. He could not get an address or phone number. My dad finally gave up after 2 years, and he remarried someone else, and ended up divorcing her too. Then he found Leslie, his current wife, and has been married to her since then. He is very happy. Well, he was thrilled that I found him, and welomed me to his family. I found out that I have one half sister, and 2 half-brothers, from his first wife - so they are all older than me. I am the baby of the family. And I was able to fly out and meet and visit with them that summer and we now IM every night, if possible. And the thing is, he wanted me! It was NOT like my mother told me - that he wasn't interested in me - he is interested in all things about me. And although we were not raised together, it is amazing howalike we are. We call it TPIAP -two peas in a pod. And yes, I look a lot like him.And that is our story. And my therapist was amazed - she said these things don't usually work out, but she applauds my willingness to be disappoined, but somehow I knew it was going to be okay.

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